How to Talk to Family Members About the Importance of Your Child’s Sleep

It can be challenging to talk to extended family about your child’s sleep!

But this conversation is so important because sleep is an essential building block for your child’s mental and physical health. There are likely to be topics that you disagree with your parents or in-laws about when it comes to raising your children and sleep is just one of them!

It takes a village to raise a child!

I have worked with many families who enlist extended family members for help and I think that is great. It really does take a village. I’ve heard plenty of positive stories about grandparent involvement and have often had grandparents be a part of our consultation if they are a major caregiver. A relationship with a grandparent or aunt, etc. can be very special.

Although many grandparents are supportive of your sleep wishes, many grandparents often have the hardest time following any sleep plan because let’s be honest- they like to spoil their grandchild. They do not want their precious grandchild to be unhappy at all and they often don’t pay the price for not following the schedule, etc. This is why Dr. Marc Weissbluth calls grandparents the “enemy of sleep.”

I have heard of grandparents who will say things like, “I raised you and you turned out just fine”, “Babies don’t need a schedule”, “She will sleep when she is tired” and so much more! Sometimes it is difficult to get these caregivers on board with our plan which makes it much more difficult for a baby to sleep well. Communication is key!

Here are some tips for having a discussion about your child’s sleep with local family:
  • Before your conversation, take a deep breath.
  • Try to calmly communicate why you think it’s important to do what you are doing.
  • Make sure to truly listen to their thoughts as well.

There is always a degree of control that we have to give up when someone else is caring for our child. No one is going to do things exactly the same way you do. If your parents or in-laws are responsible for caring for your little one, try to prioritize what is important about how they care for your child and how to handle sleep. Many of my clients have mentioned that their parents have been more likely to follow my sleep plan than listening to them about what they want for their child’s sleep.

Here are some tips for having a discussion about your child’s sleep with out-of-town family:
  • Have a talk before the visitors come to town or before you go for a visit so you aren’t discussing these issues at an emotionally heightened time.
  • If there are things that have frustrated you on previous visits, make a point to discuss them prior to the upcoming visit so you don’t have repeat problems.
  • Discuss exactly what your child’s schedule looks like and how they go to sleep. You might even have them observe you doing the nap or bedtime routine before they try it (if you are planning on leaving your child with them).
Regardless of if your extended family is local or out-of-town, here’s some information to share that may help get anyone on board:
  • Sticking to baby’s schedule means that they will have predictability and know the best times to take baby out or to have visitors. A well-rested child is even more fun!
  • When baby gets the rest they need during the day, they will sleep better at night. Emphasize that this is not only good for baby, but for you too!
  • You’ve worked hard to build a sleep routine that works best for your little one and you would appreciate the support to keep it on track.

The most important thing to discuss with extended family members is safe sleep. You can teach them the ABCs of safe sleep. Your child should sleep Alone, on their Back, in a crib (or anything labeled as a bassinet or play yard.) Everyone reading this obviously survived regardless of whether our parents did or did not follow safe sleep rules. Also, the rules have changed over time. The current recommendations are based on a lot of research. When you know better, you do better! It’s important for you to educate yourself and then feel confident that you know what is best for your child!