I would estimate about 75% of families that hire me for a sleep consultation have already tried making some changes and most of those parents have implemented some form of sleep training on their own. These parents often tell me, “I’ve tried everything” but that doesn’t make me feel any less confident that this time it will be different. There are usually many things that families don’t consider or honestly just aren’t doing properly when putting a sleep training plan into action. Below, I’ve included 10 reasons that parents aren’t successful with sleep.
1: You’re getting information from the wrong place.
I JUST started working on this blog right after being tagged on a FaceBook post in a mom’s group where someone asked about her 3 year old who has been waking up 5-10 times per night for the last few months. She had already received 28 suggestions from other well-meaning moms but I am just going to be honest here– most of the suggestions were downright terrible. The very first suggestion would actually increase her child’s wakings. None of them would have been helpful to this mom. There is so much inaccurate sleep advice out there!
2: You’re using the wrong strategy.
Maybe you read a sleep book that made you feel that there was one particular way to do things or your friend/sister/neighbor did sleep training one way, and so you feel that you have to do it that way too. What was right for their child may not be right for yours. Unless they are the exact same age, in the exact same developmental phase, with the exact same temperament, the exact same health history and with the exact same habits then chances are your child’s sleep plan needs to be different. It is so important that the method matches the family.
3: You’re using the strategy at the wrong time.
For most parents, it’s the middle-of-the-night wakings that are most bothersome. Many times parents will try to sleep train in the middle of the night, after previously rocking, feeding or soothing their child to sleep at bedtime. The best time to start sleep training is at bedtime. If your child already falls asleep on his/her own at bedtime, then you can focus on the overnight wakings and you may just need help with the details of weaning feedings or exactly how to work away from whatever your habit is.
4: You didn’t think about the environment.
There are a lot of things in your child’s room that can be too stimulating for sleep. I recommend removing light projectors and crib aquariums from the room. I also like to remove all of the toys, if possible, or at least have them hidden away. The room should be very dark unless your child is scared of the dark (usually 3 years and older). A sound machine is a great sleep tool. Make sure to use plain white noise and not sounds that are more disruptive, like ocean waves. Also, make sure to keep the temperature between 68-72 degrees.
5: You need a different schedule.
Even if you feel like night wakings are your problem, I can almost guarantee you there are also changes during the day that need to be made. Naps can have a huge impact on sleep. Being overtired or under-tired at bedtime can also cause many problems. Make sure you are well-educated on the amount of sleep your child needs and what the windows of wakefulness should look like. The best sleep training plan in the world may not work on a child who is overtired and whose schedule is not meeting their needs.
6: Your child is more drowsy than awake.
“Drowsy but awake” is way too similar to a child who is basically already asleep. This is okay for newborns but you really need to work away from this after you get out of the infant stage. If your baby is too drowsy when he goes down for the night, he won’t know how to put himself back to sleep when he wakes during the night. Whether it be feeding too close to sleep times that is making your child drowsy or you are rocking/bouncing/shushing your child until drowsy and then putting them down, this can actually interfere with your child’s learning of how to sleep.
7: You aren’t patient.
8: You don’t have any support.
Sleep training is tough. It”s not fun. But everything is worth it when you have a child that falls asleep easily and stays asleep all night. Having someone supportive on your side through this process is important. It might be your spouse, a friend, or a sleep consultant. You need someone to help you be strong. If you don’t have someone to lean on during this process, it can make it very difficult to follow-through with the consistency that you need in order to be successful.
9: You don’t have a plan.
If you don’t have a plan, you might randomly start trying some sort of sleep training in the middle of the night. That is never a good idea. A plan is so important. If you work with me you don’t really have to plan ahead, read and research for hours. I’m going to take all the guesswork out of it for you. You won’t have to wonder if you have made the right choice on the method you are going to use. We discuss those things in detail in a consultation.
10: You weren’t consistent with your plan.
Consistency will be your #1 key to being successful. Of course, you only want to be consistent with the right plan. If there is one word I repeat time and time again to all my clients it is the word consistent. That means a lot of things. It means that both parents have to stick to the plan without caving. It means the schedule is consistent, the bedtime routine is consistent and your responses are consistent. As long as everything is in place as it should be, I would say that most methods will work for most children as long as parents are consistent. Many of my clients have told me that the accountability of knowing they would be talking to me soon helped so much. If you need a plan and you need help staying consistent with it, schedule your free discovery call HERE.